sayajay.net

Another day, another dollar. More like, another week-in-review into a blog series that no one will ever read. Actually, that's oddly comforting.

So some things I fumbled around with last week:

focus is the name of the game.

I have trouble focusing. I wonder if I'm on the A.D.D. spectrum sometimes. That being said, I've had periods of great focus. I sometimes wonder what holds my interest during those times.

In short, I don't know what to do about this one. Other than just tell myself to focus.

It's been my observation that going head-down, going through with what I needed to do has had much more benefit than just skipping over it. I experienced that a few times last week. Most notably when I had a work task, which was not urgent, and I debated whether just pushing it out to next week. It was a slow day even, so it's not like I didn't have time on my hands. I just didn't want to do it.

Same thing with my scheduled Friday night activities: definitely wanted to do something else than what I had scheduled.

But I told myself in each case: I can't let this slide. And then I trudged through it. And then I was glad that I did.

So there's that.

move "habits" into dailies in habitica

This is more just administration than anything else. Time-blocking has been way more effective at making me do something than just having a list of checkboxes.

So I'm thinking I'll move these "Habits" into "Dailies".

work hour formalization

So I made myself a more "formal" schedule during work hours, where I've scheduled blocks of "flow time", where most of my actual work will happen. Oddly enough, I've been more productive than I have been for a while using this method.

The best part is that these blocks only take up four hours a day, and yet I'm able to get my usual week's worth of done faster than usual. Which just leaves me with more time on my hands during week days.

I hope this can continue.

packed weekend mornings

Last Saturday, I was really angry with myself for having wasted so much time. It's probably going to be less of an issue this week.

aligning weekend mornings w/ weekday mornings

Now, my mornings have a pretty set routine. It's usually the period after where things differ between weekend and weekdays.

The biggest differences are:

• I don't read / walk in the morning on weekends
• I don't exercise on the weekends
• I don't add a read/walk period during lunch on weekends
• weekends have no "flow time" blocks.

Hmm.... I give myself a pass for now. Though I do think that if exercise were just part of my morning routine, that might work. Part of the issue is that I wake up later on the weekends (sleeping in two hours).

So, I dunno. I told myself that being less stringest with my schedule on weekends would give me a break. But I'm starting to see these things a little differently.

In terms of habits, these are things that I just do, and shouldn't have any particular feelings about. Truth be told, I don't really mind doing exercise, or doing a usual read+walk. Nor would I be opposed to schedule a "flow time" block to get my weekend tasks done and over with.

Meh, so maybe I will change.

more music

Definitely need to discover more music. That is all.

weekday lunch routine

This has been going OK so far, but it really hinges on how fast I can make lunch for myself. My lunch routine is:

• make myself lunch (15 mins)
• eat and watch something (45 mins)
• walk + read (15 mins)
• meditate (15 mins)

A pretty good schedule I'd say, but oddly enough, I have been keeping track too closely. I need to work on that.

portion control

Occasionally, I make myself a meal, log the ingredients and, even though they fall generally within my goals, in terms of calories... I still feel really full, or just too much food.

Maybe I use the food log as a general guide, and just eat till I'm satieted, but not stuffed.

meditation practice

This has been pretty good, mostly. I meditate during lunch so I won't need to do it during the day.

I've been following the 42-day kenzai program, but I'll need to start looking up what to do to keep this going. I'm thinking a course on headspace or insight timer right now.

japanese conversation scheduling

I've been pretty bad at this. I don't know why. This is something I want to do. But it's also a little intimidating. I just need to schedule something.

longer term plans

I stumbled into MasterClass.com somehow. And it got the wheels in my head turning again. Not only that, but I'd been thinking about what i want to accomplish longer term.

I'm loathe to use the term "goal", as I learned form Atomic Habits, but here are two things I want to become:

• A writer
• a game developer and designer.

I enjoy both, but I haven't been making much time for either. I daresay that most of my schedule pursuits outside my usual hobbies all center around the fear of losing my current job, and having to go into the job market again. I'm not sure if that's healthy.

Reading and writing go hand it hand. But I have most definitely not written anything meaningful, or of length, in literally two decades. I have been picking up reading a lot more. I think I'll continue that before I decided to go all-in on the writing part.

If my past has been any indication, the things I've enjoyed reading have definitely affected what I've written.

The thing about making a game is that there are three aspects of it:

• the programming part. I have no problems here.
• the marketing part. I hate doing this, and I have no idea how to do it.
• the design part: turns out that making a fun game loop is actually really hard. The key word here is fun. It's easy copying older game designs, but making it fun and interesting is the hard part.

Eh, I gotta think more about this.

mind mapping

Quite literally, I was looking at this just last night. I'd heard this concept before but never really gave it any thought. Until now, since I've been on a kick to improve myself and step up my learning.

I don't know if I totally understand the concept yet, but it's something that I'm really interested in wrapping my head around and learning to great effect.

So, we'll see.

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And here are other things which have been on my mind.

my negative past-self

I was reading over some older blog entries from my private blog account, just curious to see what I was writing about and to see if I remember anything.

One thing I did note: I seemed to have been really angry or frustration about things and people at the time. Just overally, really negative.

The funny thing is: I don't remember feeling this way. No doubt, I find myself being angry or frustrated for things that don't even matter. The good thing is that I'm a little more self-aware now. But these blog posts are a reflection of my past self. It's kind of... sad, in a way, that I was always so angry, for what seems like silly reasons.

Shall I call that personal growth. I'd like to think so. The odd thing is that I'd always thought that I grew less introspective as I got older. Seeing these older blog entries made me think that the opposite was true; or maybe I'm conflating self-awareness with personal introspection? I don't know.

on dating

I'm not ready. I'm not sure what will make me "ready". I guess I have to first learn to be happy with myself, as I am -- or make the changes to be the person I want to be.

on improving my health

Possible related to what I just stated above. I'm a very different person that I who I was previously (that much, I'd like to think so). I'm glad for it, as I usually have a tendency to be my own worst critic.

I've lost weight thus far. Proving yet again that diet trumps exercise. Though I have been doing some exercise, it hasn't been especially vigorous. That being said, I think I feel good.

According to FitBit sleep log, I've been getting good sleep too. Although, when I wake up, I'm not sure I feel great. As soon as I start my morning routine, I feel okay with continuing. I guess it takes a minute or two to get into the swing of my morning "wind-up".

who am i

Things that I want to be:

• thankful. I want to take nothing for granted, and find joy in the little things in life. Little-by-little, I've been finding more pleasure in the things that I do, and it feels good.
• healthy. I don't remember if it was Murakami or not, but he said something to the effect that all his novels came from the processes contained in his physical body, which is why health was so important to him. While most of my activities, have hinged on nurturing my imagination, it's high-time that I've been focusing on the things I'm grateful for, but more importantly, my physical health
• imaginative. I guess that's why I want to get into writing again. Why I feel the need to be imaginative... I'm not sure. But I'm tickled by possibilities, and I've definitely noticed my imagination go places. I wonder if there's something to that.
• a maker. I know that I'm not satisfied with just consuming things -- I want to make something.

That all the space I have in my brain for the moment. No doubt, this is going to change as time goes by.