it was a bumpy week.

April 18, 2020, 11:00 AM

Top of mind: things didn't go as planned.

Which is not a bad thing. Strict adherance to my time block schedule was never going to work out - so as I often tell myself: I have to be okay with when things don't go according to plan. If meditation has taught me anything, this should be one of them. I think?

Anyhow, naturally, a bevy of complaints would be opening this week's Week In Review. Looking over my Five Minute Journal entries, here's the myriad of triflings for this week:

pizza dough disaster
simpler is better
walk the walk
long conversations are nice, but so is sleeping.
Virtual Dinner Date. Master Classing it up.
what is wrong with sleeping, guhhh.
eating out and stuff.
busy. a little too busy.
chilling the fuck out.
org mode, yass.

pizza dough disaster

I tried making pizza. I only had whole wheat flour, which smelled a little... uh, "stale", I guess is the proper descriptive word. So then I load everything up in my trusty bread maker, with an additional set of spices and such.

45 minutes later, I come back to a dough-like substance. Kind of like the elephant-man of doughs. It quite literally just didn't come together. Being the optimist, I tried cooking it up anyway.

The pizza came out looking like pizza, but I noticed that the dough hadn't really risen. Hmm, I thinks to myself, can't be that bead - carbs are fucking delicious.

Then I take a bite and think: "This is a... passable approximation of dough, but something is definitely afoot here".

In the end: I ate a whole slice, before I decided that the toppings were way better than the crust, so proceeded to eat the toppings. Meh.

simpler is better

Many of my cooking exploits have reminded me: simpler is better.

I'll be making something, which usually involves just combining a series of ingredients into a bowl or pan, and just kinda seeing what happens.

Each ingredient is usually delicious.

They sometimes don't go together well.

Such is life.

walk the walk, and chilling the fuck out.

Work has been busy. A little too busy for my liking. And the meetings never seem to end, especially latelly with the downsizing that's happened. I have a prim and proper schedule, and it simply can't be followed in the prim and proper manner.

Part of the reason is that it's hard to pull myself out of the "flow".

But then I am constantly reminding myself to simply... STOP. Whatever it is that is so important in that moment can simply wait. I've "learned" that constantly in the past, but can't seem to learn it. The hardest part of being wrapped up in something is stopping myself. The reason to stop is simple too: I don't wnat to burn out.

In short, I need to chill the fuck out. The results of not doing so, thus far:

schedule off kilter. Nothing gets done in the time I've scheduled.
I've been working through lunch.
So basically, I'm fucking my health up for the sake of working. Gross.

long conversations are nice, but so is sleeping.

This week has been unusual, in that two nights were spent just chatting with friends. They were not short conversations, as to be expected. And I did enjoy them immensely.

However, it's put me past my typical week-day bed times. And I feel like this entire week has been spent playing catch up with my sleep cycle.

It's the weirdest fucking thing: with the exception of one or two days, I've been getting adequate amount of sleep. I just get up, but I find myself feeling more tired than usual throughout the day. I've still been getting up early, but I just can't figure it out. A few things that have crossed my mind, when it comes to my habits recently:

meditation practice isn't as strict. the 42-day kenzai program is over, and I've just been doing headspace, though I've missed a few days already.
diet hasn't been as strict, though I never really considered it strict before. I've definitely had more carbs than previous weeks, so maybe that's something.
I've put off my strength training this week. That could definitely have been fucking me up.

Virtual Dinner Date. Master Classing it up.

Black Day came and went. I celebrated with Phi over a Zoom Dinner Date, where I partook of the requisite Black Bean Noodle. It made me think about a lot of things, one of which is how much I like Phi.

Some thoughts from that conversation, in list form, as I can't even "prose" right now:

Not enough "black" stories from me. My love life has definitely been uneventful this year.
a writing practice and master classing. I've given some passing thoughts to getting back into writing in a more serious way. part of it is motiviated by the fact that I seem to be getting shit done at an alarming rate recently, and that momentum is making me think that I can start doing things again that have remained dormant for a long time. I really don't know what I'd write about, but at least it'd be something.

org mode.

I've definitely looked into other ways and means that I could be organizing my life. That's probably how I discovered Notion (which I've decided not to use), and a bevy of other tools. The latest tool being: org-mode file types in emacs.

I don't exactly relish the idea of learning another editor, because it seems a little bit daunting. I never really got the hang of pimping out my vim configuration, and it seems like vim has fallen to the way-side for me, as I value smart auto completion, refactoring facilities much more. Still a fan of modal editor, so maybe emacs in evil mode will be a thing.

then there's org-mode. I had trouble initially understanding what this was exactly. But it seems like nothing more than a file type and "plugin" built into emacs. Because it's in emacs, it seems to have quite the learning curve, though I wonder if it's worth learning.

And then it got me thinking: what is the point of all this? I don't really feel the need to switch editors, and I know vim well enough. I also already have a todo app in the form of Habitica.

I've got to let these thoughts stew for a bit.

On the personal front, what have I got? Not much really.

Work? It's been good. Just busy. Need focus, and the ability to stop myself.
I guess the most notable thing this week was the social aspect; more conversations than I usually have. It was fun, and I'm grateful for the times I've had.
love? I'm not sure. But then agian, when am I ever?
health? I'm tired, but that's a familiar feeling. I hope that paying attention to my habits will help my hack the equation to a healty lifestyle, both physically and mentally.

Meh.