why can't i wake up?
May 9, 2020, 9:30 AM
I'd say the past week has been marred by a few themes:
- never feeling well-rested. I set my clock for 7 am most days, and 6 am for others, instead of my usual 5 am. It's been hard getting up and feeling well-rested at the same time.
- my butt and lower back are killing me. Thankfully, I've managed, and feel better now.
But, I dunno. Those are parts of my physical health. Mentally, it feels like this week has also been marred by that familiar feeling of, "ennui".
Maybe that's not the right word. I'm not bored. Just not motivated to do the things that probably need doing. For example, right now, I definitely don't feel like writing a thing. But here I am.
So, in the interest of brevity, and encouraging my laziness - and hearkening back to the ever-wise priest from Spaceballs: The Movie, I'm gonna go with the "short-short" version of a blog post.
Some things I've thought about this past week:
- active vs passive doing something. Sometimes I'll be watching a TV show, but only be "passively" watching it, while I take care of other things like cooking, cleaning, or even just reading Reddit. I wonder if I should be more actively engaged because sometimes it feels like I'm not enjoying myself. Something to ponder.
- more rest. My co-workers say they are more relaxed with working from home. Meanwhile, I feel mostly the same as always, and some days I feel fucking slammed with work. I should really consider taking it easy. Especially if sitting down is uncomfortable. No amount of doing work is worth risking my health.
- scheduling daily todos. I have a bunch of todos each day. some of them are scheduled, some are not. The ones that are not often slip through the cracks. So I think I just need to set aside some time to make sure they are being done.
- "strict" diet days. Oft times I'll be making a meal, wondering if it's healthy, and being unsure. And there are days when I'll make something which I know is unhealthy. So, it varies. But I think that since I have unhealthy days, they should be balanced with more strict healthy days.
- get rid of more shit. Tripping over boxes is a sign that I have too much shit. My methodology has been, "slow and steady", with a focus on consistency. But sometimes I'll look at the pile of things that need to be sold or removed and thinking, "Fuuuuuck, I just want this stuff gone".
On a personal front...
When I'm lazy, my desire to create a sequence of words that resembles prose is diminished, and I resort to listing things out to organize my thoughts. So, here's a list:
- doing a journal in emacs org-mode has been... interesting. sometimes I'll have a thought that isn't "worthy" of a blog post (and definitely not for social media), and I'll just jot it down. It's pretty handy, but I'll see if I continue doing it.
.... huh, oddly enough, I can't think of anything else that's worth mentioning. At least, nothing new in the past week or so. Like the past few months, I've still been struggling to keep up with the regimen I've set for myself. Aside from that, it's still the corona-shelter-in-place-stay-at-home life as usual.
I should mention that my doctor thinks I might have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. God, I feel old. What that means is: I'm going to be having terrible bowel movements now and again, and that I need to go on something called a Low FODMAP Diet. I'm learning so many new things in my old age. Ugh.